Interesting Comments

Sometimes I like to share a link, because the comments share important lessons. This article about foreign aids as Christmas gifts, is well written. However the comments section gives you an insight about what the average Joe donor is thinking.

This article also reminds me that I should publish more about international public policy than I currently am.

Abortion on American Sitcoms. NOT

When I posted about the character Lynette Scavo from Desparate Housewives, I never knew that the next episode will have her character pregnant with twins. For those who dont know, Lynette Scavo is shown to be 45+ and has four kids-a pair of twins, a boy and a girl.

I found the twist unnecessary, but as a natural reaction to anyone having a baby after 45(especially if they have 4 kids in the house), I thought they might show the couple discussing abortion. A few lines, some hesitation.This wasn't the case. The couple was shown to go ahead with the kids. The 'A' word wasn't uttered at all.

I was surprised but then I realized that showing a discussion of abortion, on a prime time show for women is a little worrisome for an American sitcom. Cheating, adultery, lying and beating up church members is fine. But an election issue remains untouched. Popular sitcom, 'Friends', had all the members indulging in sexual or physical relations at least once in the run of the series. Not that there is any moral authority to say that its wrong, but the women never discussed abortion ever.

A nation's larger fabric of thinking can be derived from their popular sitcoms. There is no chance in hell that a female character of a popular sitcom will frown or feel sad if a boy is born in her house. And God forbid if there is a good and decent mother-in-law on the Indian small screen.

If the stay at home moms or housewives are watching these popular sitcoms without any form of objection or discussion, what kind of thought processes are they imbibing?

Oh yeah we are Indians we dont discuss issues in public. We only urinate in public--Smita Prakash

Worrisome Dimples

he had dimples on both his cheeks

and stared like I was wearing something wrong

I started a stare match and

he stared back

He smiled.

Seriousness again.

about 160 seconds

of back and forth staring

I walked towards the woman holding his hand

'arent you scared?'

'of adolescence, broken hearts and dimplicide?'

she smiled back

'I dont have worry lines for no reason.

he gets 'em depressions from his dad'

(Credit for the word dimplicide goes to ComicProject.)

The Lynette Scavo Model of Marriage

I used to see Desparate Housewives regularly when the first season aired. The subsequent seasons turned sour and focussed more on infidelity and walking around in sexy lingerie. There was very little substance to sustain my interest. Even the thoughtful narration by one of the dead ones wasnt enough for me.

So it came as a surprise when I caught an episode of DH the other day and actually liked it. The women and their families have grown and Lynette Scavo(a character I liked) is back on the job, with her husband Tom in a house husband role. This is what I loved about Marc Cherry's characterization. When the series began, Lynette had a successful role in the corporate world, it moved to Tom being an entrepreneur and then to Lynette back again. The two characters discuss these moves in a thoughtful talk and decide that both of them should get a chance at careers. This way, neither one feels deprived.

Let's face it, we all know that men have the raw side of the deal from society. They have to work to support their families. What appeals to me about the Scavo situation is that, men don't necessarily have to work to support a house. Part of being a feminist is about having a choice. So if you are a woman and you choose to be a housewife its fine. Similarly if you are a man and you choose to take a high risk path of being a painter or a journalist, its ok. This freedom of choice is missing for both men and women in the Indian cultural context. So when a television series dares to show the democratic side of marriage, it make me happy and thoughtful.

But I also wonder what would the average educated woman think if she came across such a guy? Would that guy be able to date anyone? Would people understand his need to be a stay at home dad? Would any girl's parents see the situation of a guy being a painter and a prospective groom, objectively? Maybe not. Since we have always been a race of women in the cave, men out for hunting. When it does happen on a personal level, we do feel bound by basic underlying prejudices. Like the need to have stable finances for the early years. Somewhere along the road, the branching out for vocations seems probable and ideal.

Sharing in a Digital World

How much sharing is good? (And what is private in a public social world--where a comment by a friend leads to an unknown album on Facebook! ). Who owns a link? Sure its the website and the content writers, but the influencer that got the content to be viral in the first place is an important connector. Will we see a paid model for influencers in the future? Here are my thoughts.

Does sharing of information make us feel more relieved? After all the real stuff is not for sharing in any business sector. Except for the media, where eyeballs translate to money. So what are you sharing? Material that makes people aware, that gets people to think or links that allow people to see your reading list? Remember Oprah and her book club selections? Get an insight into her mind, know her reading list, encourage a TV obsessed nation to read and to make some money!

I am bombarded with a lot of information on a daily basis. What I choose to read is a very small percentage of what I get on my platter. Just like a person on a diet, every meal on the buffet is not for consumption. Maybe a taste here and there, but an overflowing plate is a waste and certainly not healthy. A recent photograph of an SBI branch in a district in India was posted and re posted so many times, that it would be classified as viral content by the digital world.

However the digital consumer is smarter than you think. The usual flash ad, or the in your face link sharing will do no good. Even if you have influencers in place(people who have more than 1000 connections across social networking sites), viral is more flash in the pan. This may work for people with anonymity and great talent like Susan Boyle. But for a digital content reader, its just a piece of distraction. In all matters of judgement the cliche--Class is permanent and form is temporary--works fine. Viral content provides a platform. What you do after that is your acumen.

To assume that a one-off incident will garner loyalty, is a mistake. You must remember, we have an 'x' button with us.

20s : Tis all about loving Failure

Its amazing how the bloggers in their 20s are having their own set of doubts to deal with. My reader is filled with pondering, posts about quitting, about start-ups, about confusions. Life, professional dilemmas, personal decisions, pressures and good old vocation. Everywhere I look around me, 20-somethings are looking at career shifts, some are sustaining wobbly lifestyles, others are cancelling the pretenses and moving towards simplicity. It makes me feel nurtured, that I am not alone. That amidst the grey corporate suits there are class actors. That behind the number crunching trader there is a haiku poet and the hot-legged English professor is an ex-big four accountant.

Dustin Hoffman said in a wonderful interview on The Actor's Studio : ' 20s are designed for failure. So fail all your can. Try everything withing your grasp. And don't model your life for a course or a path. Assume that the world is a museum and that everything can be touched and bought. Of course, we all may not have the means to do everything, but expand your vision as much as you can. Because all rigid paths of life hurt the most in the 30s. Because in 30s there is no room for making mistakes'

A phenomenon called Edward Cullen

For a very long time voracious readers like me, have dwelled on the possibilites of dating our favourite literary characters. So while I obsessed about Barney (of Doctors' fame) or Darcy, some of my girlfriends found refuge in Howard Roark and Sirius Black. Some even favoured Heathcliff. And even though, I am not a Roark supporter--yes you can find that heavy club and bludgeon me to death--I can understand the premise of having a fictional man date you. And every man/woman will tell you its such a joy to find someone who walks,talks and breathes just like your favourite literary character.

In the recent news, the Twilight men have been doing extremely well. Yes, I did write a gushing review of Twilight here, but that was only because I was overpowered by the phenomenon that is Edward Cullen. I will recommend the books even if some of my purist friends might compare it to trashy semi-chick-lit. I find the books to be good popcorn for the mush-hungry soul. Of course the fact that the lead character is weak and needs help all the time, is irksome to my feminist side, but I am willing to keep my dominant feelings aside for a good night of Edward worship.

The entire phenomenon about vampire or werewolf boyfriends is remarkable. For long, we have been made to believe that the one we love is least likely to hurt us. However its quite the opposite. The one thing that cares or nourishes us is also keyed in to our most vulnerable sides and can hurt us the most. And its this dilemma that Meyer explores in her books. So someone that lusts after your blood, but loves you at the same time is literary adrenaline rush for us junkies.

Would we want someone who flies, lives forever, looks ravishing to love us? In an impulsive way, yes. In a non-impulsive way, maybe not. But the idea makes for good smiles and animated conversation.

And just when we thought we had our literary Mr. Right in Edward Cullen, in comes Jacob Black. That's too much confusion for our hormones! A similar token of hurting and loving is explored in this new love angle of New Moon. Though its obvious that the remaining books will explore a competitive scenario between Black and Cullen, its good for our fantasy.

On a different note, Twilight is not comparable to Rowling or Tolkien. I understand, that vampire fiction my have occupied the hype left by Rowling, but its just not the same level of writing.

So while I browse bookshelves in the teen fiction aisle of a bookstore, and laugh at the obvious mistakes in Twilight, I am happy about the new literary hero find! What can I say? Bask in the glory of your imagination. That's where the best Mr. Right exists!

Till the Flower Withered

In Tahiti when a girl wears a flower by her right ear it means she is 'available'. When she wears it on her left ear(closer to the heart) it means that she is 'taken'. We knew this custom from an anthropology class we took together. He was never a mangalsutra person. So,he joked that after engagement, I would have to sport a flower in keeping with 'tradition'.

Two seasons later, I wanted a life full of movement. He wanted to stand still. And since I wanted it to hurt as little as possible, I wore a flower by my left ear.

He entered the park and rushed towards me with a beaming smile. That quickly turned to a blank look and a realization. We sat on the bench, till the flower withered.

Staring, broken and quiet.

Think like an Army Chief

A mentor gave me a brilliant piece of advice recently. Aside from the constant ups and downs that anyone's life goes through, I was going through a confused state. I have tried to encapsulate the advice in the best way possible.

"When in doubt, always think like the Army Chief in a war zone. Usually all doubt comes because we question our conscience, commitment or capability. An army chief, even if he disagrees with the war has to go to war. He doesnt worry about foreign policy, ethics or poles when in battle zone. His focus is so perfect that he doesn't bother about blood, death or loss of life. All the emotion and the death of his comrades is saved for after the battle. So when in doubt, head out to the battlefield and play your best strategy. Save the introspection for later. If you win, you will have a victory to ponder over. If not, a loss is a good teaching experience."

Hope this will help someone who is confused and unsure.

5th Grade Warmth

Way back in 5th grade, I was punished for talking too much with my best friend,who was also my seatmate. As a remedial measure, my class teacher decided to move me to another seat.

This time my partner was a boisterous girl who wasn't that close to me. She was excited that I was her new partner, while I was moping at the prospect of building a new friendship. After one class, I realised that the teacher would let me sit next to my best friend if I talked to this new girl enough.

Excited about this new brainwave, I said, ' Ok quick. Lets keep talking. That way I can go back to my old seat.' This saddened the new partner a bit, but she helped me nevertheless.

Today,many years later, this conversation was repeated on the phone by the boisterous girl. I laughed at the inherent innocence of this entire episode and the passion with which I wanted to talk to my best friend.

Life moved on. People went their own way, careers happened and seasons changed. But I have never stopped talking to that boisterous girl. I'd like to believe and hope that I never will.

Nobody does it better than Gibran :

In the sweetness of friendship let there be laughter, and sharing of pleasures. For in the dew of little things the heart finds its morning and is refreshed.

To Blend or not to Blend..

In a very long discussion with S, we travelled back and forth on the topic of principles. How we were the enterprising feminists and how we are trying to define our lives around what we are today.

We spoke about the eternal dilemma of choices being a responsibility and not a duty. However, choices rarely belong to us. As much as we may try, we always try to cut corners and change the original choice and then justify.

That brings to mind this wonderful quote by Seth Godin-' They want you to conform, so that when you do, they can ignore you.'

Maybe if we stop standing out from the crowd with our unique stances, we may blend in. But is blending the easy way out? or the least hurting way?

Conversations in Hell?

Me : Let's play Dominoes

Friend : (smart alecky tone) yeah right! whats that game about?

Running back and forth between Dominoes' outlets?

Me: (stares)

Dominoes is a very interesting indoor game. I could have explained the game to my friend. Sometimes when you act over smart you remain ignorant.

Friend (at a social event) : Great meeting you..

Me (polite smile) : Same here..

Friend : Are you on Facebook?

Me(uh-ohs going off in my head) : Yes

Friend : Great! I'll add you and then lets meetup at Mafia Wars

Me(thinking) : I am so backward when it comes to socialising.

Friend 1 : You know, you shouldnt provoke me so much. I can be very blunt.

Friend 2 : Thats your problem. You're blunt. You should work at being sharp.